


On a Scale of One to Ten

by BullySquadess



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, UST, more hanky panky on rooftops, someone stop them (me)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 02:00:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13560303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BullySquadess/pseuds/BullySquadess
Summary: I’ve come to the realization I can only write one fic, just slightly different each time, but I’ve made peace with that fact. Anyways, here’s more mindless Ladynoir innuendo. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯





	On a Scale of One to Ten

“So on a scale of one to ten, how much of a virgin are you?”

Black boots skidded to a stop, steel tips grinding against the shingle beneath them with a sort of crunching noise that almost drowned out Ladybug’s question entirely. Adrien (who in this moment was not, in fact, Adrien at all but none other than Chat Noir) swiveled at the edge of the roof, peering back at his partner as she waited for his response.

More surprised by her sudden inquiry than anything, he shrugged. “One being…?”

“One being a toddler who has absolutely no grasp of human sexuality and ten being the author of the Kama Sutra,” Ladybug clarified, winding her yo-yo back around her hip and effectively signaling their patrol had come to an end. “So where do you fall?”

Adrien grinned. “Twelve.” 

Ladybug burst out laughing, plodding over to lay a gentle hand atop his shoulder. “It’s a good thing your jokes aren’t as funny as your lies, or else I would have fallen off a roof years ago.”

“Fine. If I’m lying, then where would you peg me at? One to ten.”

Ladybug tilted her head. Considerate. “Soft four. Nothing past second base.”

Adrien gasped. “Now that is harsh- and entirely incorrect!” His arm curled into a not-so-subtle flex, voice dripping with false confidence. “I’m a solid nine on an off day. A regular cat-sonova!”

“See I’d like to believe you, but the fact you just used the term cat-sonova lends me to think the only pussy you’ve come in contact with recently is your kwami,” Ladybug deadpanned back at him. Adrien made a grand show of being insulted.

“You’re kidding right? Puns are the ultimate turn-on!” He leaned down, wiggling his eyebrows. “Don’t even try and tell me you don’t get just the teensiest bit aroused by my masterful humor.”

“Remember that time we were fighting at the airport?” Ladybug recounted. “When you ran at the akuma screaming “Get ready to experience some fur-bullence?”

“Of course, that was one of my most stunning deliveries to date.”

“My ovaries retreated so far up into my body that I didn’t have a period for months.”

Adrien rolled his eyes, scoffing at her exaggeration. Ladybug could play unaffected all she wanted, but he didn’t trust a word out of her mouth.

“A: I don’t believe that’s even possible. And B: You’re just being a sour puss.” He smirked, using the height his last few years had granted him to peer down at her defiantly amused expression. “Or maybe you’re just jealous, hmmm? Envious of my long parade of lovers?”

“Oh I’m positively green-eyed,” Ladybug simpered, nodding with lip thrust out like she was addressing a child.

“As you should be,” Adrien went on, ignoring both her teasing lilt and the fact he was lying out his ass, “I’ve heard I’m quite phenomenal in bed. At least, that’s what I’ve gathered from the way my many partners- who very much exist!- scream out my name.”

This time Ladybug actually snorted.

“Oh, Chat Noir!” Adrien moaned, affecting an utterly ridiculous pant and screwing his face into faux-rapture. “You are a literal sex god!” His hands traced across his suited chest, eyes fluttering shut and mouth struggling not to crack a grin. “Keep pleasuring me with your muscular body and skillful tongue!”

It was at this point Ladybug positively howled with laughter beside him, and Adrien couldn’t help but pop an eyelid open to watched her double over in hilarity.  _‘Geez, is the thought of me having an active sex life really that ridiculous?’_ he thought, a bit tart over her incredulous reaction.

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, kitten,” Ladybug gasped, fingers gliding up to wipe at the hysterical tears leaking from the edges of her eyes, “but I’m pretty sure they were faking. In fact, I’m positive they were.”

“And just why is that?” he volleyed back, still smarting from her response.

“First of all, why in the word would they be calling you Chat Noir? Unless, of course, you make a habit of dressing up in costume when you have sex, in which case I’d be forced to kink-shame you.” She gave him a significant look. “Second of all -the supposed musculature of your body and skillfulness of your tongue non-withstanding- I have a hard time believing your partners would pause sex just to call you a ‘literal sex god’.”

“You’ve never slept with me,” Adrien quipped with a wiggle of his brows, “I would have remembered.”

“Yes, you would have,” Ladybug replied, half-smug, half-thoughtful and all enticing as she brought her gaze upon him again. Adrien swallowed. “You know, I do have a third of all.”

“Which is?” he prompted, a bit lower than intended.

“Third of all- assuming your partners are female…?”

“That they are.”

“Third of all, women only sound like that when they’re faking. It’s too forced. Too…” She paused a moment, searching for the right word with hands weaving in the air before her. “Coherent,” Ladybug finally decided with a nod, “It’s too coherent to be real.”

“Coherent,” Adrien echoed, a sudden heat blooming behind his navel.

“Yeah,” Ladybug mused, with fingers stroking the tops of her crossed arms in a motion that may or may not have been deliberately fabricated to draw his eye, “When an orgasm is real, when it’s good, it should leave you breathless. It should leave your tongue heavy… your thoughts scrambled…”

She shrugged, and surely that wasn’t a blush creeping from the edge of her mask?

God, Adrien hoped not.

Because the thought of Ladybug’s skin lit up and flushed was a dangerous one. One that only added to the already wildly-inappropriate mental image his mind had conjured of her desperate and mewling as she grasped at his sheets.  _Any sheets._

Actually no, that was definitely his stark white, 100% Egyptian cotton bed-set threaded between her fingers. Matching pillow pinned beneath her head as it was thrown back in ecstasy. Head board slamming against the wall as he-

Fucked.

He was fucked.

“Sorry to burst your bubble Chat.” That coy smile was back, settling comfortably across Ladybug’s striking features. “But I’m thinking you’ll need some practice if you want to hear what a  _real_  lady orgasm sounds like.”

 _‘Are you offering?’_  Adrien thought.

…Or, at least, he was supposed to think it.

He definitely wasn’t supposed to let the words roll off his tongue in a svelte purr; Wasn’t supposed to trail them with both a welcoming wink and a flirty bite of his lip.  He wasn’t supposed to slide up before her, head cocked in invitation…

And she certainly wasn’t supposed to agree.

“What?!” Adrien yelped, far too loud on their otherwise tranquil rooftop and far more panicked than he would have liked to sound.

“I said yes,” Ladybug repeated, her face utterly unreadable in his current state of inner turmoil (elation), “I was offering.”

“Offering to…?”

(Again, did he really have to sound that pitchy? He was twenty for Christ sakes!)

“I was offering,” she said, unwinding her arms from across her chest and talking a single step forward, “to let you hear what a real female orgasm sounds like.”

A beat. A questioning look. A gulp that must have come from him.

“But only if you’re comfortable with that.”

What came out of Adrien’s mouth next was something that could only be described as a whine, and he might have been embarrassed about it if not for the fact the sound seemed to spark something in Ladybug.

In an instant, her face melted from tentative and searching, to downright  _desirous._  It was as if he’d flipped some imaginary switch, taking the same girl he’d on more than one occasion watched coo over a nest of baby birds and morphing her into full-grown, fully matured young woman who *gasp!* engaged in sexual activity.

In a way, they were both the same person, and the realization was a bit staggering for him.

“Tell me if you change your mind,” Ladybug breathed, hand flitting up to his shoulder as she lazily circled him like a bird of prey. Adrien could only a give a wide-eyed nod as she slid up behind him.

His costume’s cat ears sat alert atop his head, belted tail lashing until it mindlessly wrapped around what he assumed to be Ladybug’s ankle. His mind ran rampant, and the human beneath his animal exterior was already feeling some very primal urges in response to the first ghost of her breath across his neck.

The most prominent thought in his head was  _‘Holy shit Ladybug just offered to demonstrate her orgasming abilities and is now running her hands up my back what do I do WHAT DO I DO?_

 _‘Fuck,’_ was a close second.

And Adrien’s subsequent reactions were lost the moment his partner let loose her first sound.

Ladybug hummed, the noise emanating just inches from his ear, and Adrien  _melted._  It was a hum. A simple goddamn hum!  Yet a simple goddamn hum had no place sounding that utterly lewd- had no place ending on a moan that seemed to bubble up from the deepest chambers of Ladybug’s chest only to shoot straight to his groin.

She hummed, and he nearly lost it at that.

Now Ladybug was panting, little puffs of breath that fanned across the hairs along his neck. The sounds were needy,  _pleading,_  treading that dangerous line into whimpering territory.

God Adrien didn’t think he’d be able to handle her whimpering…

“Oh~” Ladybug whimpered, and with that whimper came the press of her chest against his spine, breasts pinned to his back in the most distracting, undoing manner. Adrien fought not to moan.

Rationally, he knew it was all an act. His brain was not so scrambled as to forget the way they’d joked together not a minute prior. His dick, however, wasn’t as concerned with the specifics. Pretending or not, Ladybug was currently spooned against his back, thumbs hooked possessively into the band of his belt and breath fanning hot against the exposed portion of his neck. It was impossible not to succumb to fantasy.

Adrien screwed his eyes shut, having no interest in whatever boring city skylight sprawled before him. He had better things to see- vivid mental pictures that he could match up to the devastating little noises lilting over his shoulder and the lithe fingers dancing along his suit.  He stood rigid atop the roof, but his mind was miles away. Back in his bedroom to be precise. Back to that earlier fantasy with Ladybug and sheets, only with an entirely new soundtrack that supercharged the scenario with an overwhelming heat.

“Yes…” she panted, and Adrien stuffed the words into the mouth of his mind’s eye Ladybug. The one currently arching her back into his mattress as he lathered kisses down her bared torso. “S-so good…”

Ladybug’s voice was an undoing thing on its own, but to hear that voice coupled with the types of sounds you’d hear filtering through a teenager’s computer screen at 2:13 am…

Adrien found it nearly catastrophic.

(Pun only slightly intended.)

“Chat!” Ladybug gasped, wrenching a moan from his throat at the sheer intensity that single syllable held, “Mmmmm, yes. Yes… please… Ch-Chat…”

“My Lady,” Adrien murmured back, shifting at the now uncomfortable tightness of his pants and desperately clinging to that lingering slip of self-control. His hands balled up in an effort to resist reaching back to grope at her hips, nails digging shallow trenches into the flesh of his palms.

He wondered how her iteration of his name would feel buzzing around his cock.

He also wondered just how pissed Plagg would be if he happened to cum in the suit.

“Ahh-aahhh,” she hissed, and Adrien fought a groan at the feeling of her forehead plopping down on his shoulder. The mere insinuation that his partner could be getting just a bit worked up at the fantasy was intoxicating. Nearly undoing.

“G-god yes…” Ladybug’s words were punctuated by a throaty moan “… Yes, Chat. Fuck me f-faster…”

Adrien’s knees legitimately buckled at that, the almost gave out completely at the thought of indulging her request. He dimly speculated whether Ladybug was the “missionary under the covers” type or a “ride you in broad daylight” kind of gal.

(Though the fact she had him on the edge of ejaculation in a very public setting should have more than answered that question.)

“I said,” Ladybug began, her voice at the midpoint of a growl and a mewl, “faster.”  

At that, the hand on his back trailed down, wrapping twice around his tail and yanking.

Adrien’s hips sailed back into her own. He yelped, half-surprised and half-aroused at her rough treatment, as the entirety of his body’s oxygen whooshed from his lungs in one submissive swoop.

“S-so good,” she murmured into the crook of his neck, gasping as his hips snapped back into her own, “That’s it.”

Adrien could only whine out his assent, paralyzed by her voice. By her  _praise._ He was only aware of his own hardness in a cursory sense, finding that everything beyond her (her and those shattering little noises bursting from her mouth) was trivial. Higher thought was impossible with Ladybug continuing to subtly rock against him, so Adrien gave up on trying to keep a level head, instead allowing his fantasies to triple.

The bed was forgotten. No longer part of the equation. The bed was dead to him.

Now Adrien pictured Ladybug taking him right here and now. He pictured her shoving him to the concrete beneath them, pictured her slender hands working him out of his stifling costume. He pictured lying back, letting her do whatever she damn well pleased with him as long as it continued to draw those stuttering little purrs form her sinful mouth.

And he pictured them doing it non-stop.

“Don’t stop,” Ladybug plead, as if his thoughts were her own, lips edging closer to the skin of his neck.

“N-never,” Adrien assured her through clenched teeth. The two gave tandem exhalations at the next rutting of their hips, one decidedly more feminine but the other noticeably more wrecked, and fuck he was getting close to losing it.

“Chat, I’m…”

Pants. Moans. Little whimpers that were not all her.

Tiny shrieks.

“I-I’m gunna…”

 _“Do it,”_  he wanted to beg, “ _Please- whatever it is- just do it.”_

“Oh  _God_  I…!”

His body tensed in anticipation-

“Aaaannnddd scene,” Ladybug chirped, her voice holding no traces of her prior ecstasy and her face the picture of composure as she strutted out from behind him.

Adrien screeched to a halt, body and soul, eyes snapping up to take in the sight of his downright casual partner as she popped one hand up on a cocked hip. Brain still scrambled and heart still stuttering, he could only gape, incredulous.

Meanwhile Ladybug just stood there- as if she hadn’t brought him to the very verge of death by sexual frustration itself!

“Wh-what…” Adrien stuttered, shoving a hand through the front of his hair to let the cool night air blow across his flushed temples, “you just… a-and…”

“You good there, kitten? You’re looking a little bothered.” Ladybug paired the inquiry with the sort of smug little smile that confirmed she knew exactly how bothered he was, and Adrien wanted to either sink into the ground or shoot up into the sky.

(He’d yet to decide if he was in heaven or hell at the moment.)

“H-how… how do you do that?” he appealed, hoping the cover of night and the slimming color of his suit would help obscure his obvious arousal. If the way Ladybug’s gaze flitted between his legs before immediately dancing away was any indication, it was a futile hope.

“Practice,” she said with a shrug, possibly unaware of the devastating imagery her answer conjured.

“Practice?” Adrien nearly squeaked back. She nodded.

Practice.

Ladybug had practiced crying out for him. Had practiced goading him into fucking her faster.

_‘Shit.’_

“Well, I hope that little demonstration was educational for you,” Ladybug quipped, sounding remarkably like a college professor dismissing her class. The mental comparison did little to assuage the erratic thump still echoing against Adrien’s ribs.

(He did  _not_  imagine her bending him over desk.)

“You’re sadistic,” he muttered, ignoring Ladybug’s giggle for his own personal sanity.

“And you’re pretty cute when you’re all worked up,” she replied with a wink. Adrien groaned, reaching for his staff.

(And yes, I mean his actual staff you nasties.)

“I’m leaving now before you kill me.”

Ladybug pouted, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the fact she was still smiling. “Aw, c’mon kitten. We were having so much fun! Dont be a sour puss~”

“Nice try, but your puns won’t work on me woman.”

“Woman!” she gasped, pressing a hand to her chest in mock-affront. “I have a name you know!”

“I know,” he said, turning his back to her as he subtly adjusted his downstairs situation. After getting his dick as squared away as he could, Adrien glanced over his shoulder, taking a final steadying breath as readied to vault away. “I’ll be moaning it into my pillow shortly.”

He allowed himself only a moment to enjoy Ladybug’s stunned expression before disappearing over the skyline.


End file.
